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November 2012



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Nov. 16th, 2012

Here in the Shadows - Elliot/Olivia - SVU

Elliot/Olivia - SVU


 1. Waiting... - City and Colour
2. Season of Rain - Josh Garrels
3. The Haunting - Anberlin
4. Black Metallic - Catherine Wheel
5. Dread Sovereign - Shearwater
6. The Woman in You - Ben Harper
7. All Mine - Portishead
8. Sandpaper Kisses - Martina Topley-Bird
9. The Beast - Laura Marling
10. Loretta Young Silks - Sneaker Pimps

This is pretty much how I envision Olivia and Elliot feel about each other now that he is gone.
(Sorry for the youtube links; I don't actually have the ability to use zip anymore for some reason. You might also locate them on an online radio like Spotify :o)

Waiting…. – City and Colour

Waiting City of Colour_2_crop

“A coma might feel better than this,

Attempting to discover where to begin.

You’re weighed down, you’re full of something,

Of sickness and desertion.

You’re weighed down, you’re full of something.

You’re underneath it all.”

Season of Rain – Josh Garrels


“Everything fades but our love shines on

Like waves on the ocean singing old songs

Like waves on the ocean breaking beyond

So faint the impatient can’t hear”

The Haunting – Anberlin


“Can’t get your memory,

Off of my mind – my mind.

Just want your heartbeat, on top of mine – of mine.

There’s something dancing,

Here in the shadows,

And I wish it were us”

Black Metallic – Catherine Wheel


“I’ve never seen you when you’re smiling

It really gets under my skin

You say it’s easy when it’s faster

I still can’t guess what you’re after”

Dread Sovereign – Shearwater


“I wanna fight like lovers

Wanna pull you over the line

Dread sovereign

(Where do the lonelyhearts go

We of the lonely hearts knowing)”

The Woman in You - Ben Harper


“Did I hear you say that you believe in angels?

I guess I bring the devil out in you

But we can both remove our halos

‘Cause even an angel needs love too”

All Mine – Portishead


“All the stars may shine bright

All the clouds may be white

But when you smile

Oh how I feel so good

That I can hardly wait

To hold you

Enfold you

Never enough

Render your heart to me”

Sandpaper Kisses – Martina Topley-Bird


“Sandpaper kisses, papercut bliss

Don’t know what this is, but it all leads to this:

You’re gonna leave


You have deceived


Just a girl”

The Beast – Laura Marling


“I suggest that you be grateful

That it’s your blood on my hands

And assume yourself weaker, the fall of man

And look out for the beast

Tonight he lies with me”

Loretta Young Silks – Sneaker Pimps

users Law & order SVU benson and stabler_2_crop

“Got answers for everyone, endless excuses

Not habit for anyone, ‘cause I’m trying to break your click-track heart

Seen a vision of perfect grace, airbrushed and lifeless

All contempt and aftertaste; it’s like I’m waiting for the scars to heal”

Feb. 9th, 2012

So it's back to this again

Cripes. I swear I am losing it. A couple days ago I was happy and cheerful. I've been watching ER again and have completely become struck with Luby love. I am in love with watching their dynamic. I've felt good about work even though I hate retail. I'm doing with school and feel accomplished finally. Then yesterday happened and it all went downhill rather fast. Jason has been going through some manic bipolar crazy event where he feels the need to spend money on redecorating the apartment. I think it has a lot to do with getting denied as a tenant to a place that is nicer than this one and in a better neighborhood. His drug charge that was reduced to a misdemeanor conviction of something or other is being held against him despite the fact that it happened eight years ago and he has not had any trouble with the law since 2004. So he's horribly moody, quick to anger, snapping at everyone, generally making everyone around him feel like crap. Even though I understand why he's angry, I certainly think he needs to grow the heck up and get over it and start treating his family with respect.

We went to Ikea yesterday and he bombarded me with ideas and questions on what to do with the walls. I am quite particular about decorations and styles. I don't follow his concepts. I just don't like the streamline, cookie cutter, clean look that he's drawn to. I don't get the Swedish look. I'm not going for the Nordic style. I like Renaissance and Marie Antoinette and Elizabethan and Victorian. I like things that look luxurious and old and used. Wine red, dark green, gold, champagne. Jason's into boxy, straight lines, black and gray. Dull. I want color. Somehow he translates this into me rejecting his ideas, even insulting him. I don't get it. I feel like he is losing it.

Or maybe I am.

I told him I didn't like anything in the store. I didn't like any of the pictures (they were just too....manufactured...too hotel room/doctor's office-ish). This turned into an argument. I still can't believe he brought up divorcing me. Over pictures.

I went running, then got ready for work, then went to work. Did the usual boring duties. Sold some crappy jewelry. Came home. Same tenseness between us so I just decided to keep my mouth zipped. Same thing this morning. Except now he's talking about exiting our plans to go to Seattle this weekend because we're "too tense." So since he's got absolute control over all of the extra money we got from our taxes and financial aid (it's in his bank account, go figure...), I guess we're stuck at home even though I have three days off on a weekend. Yay.

Not to mention I feel like utter crap about my employment situation. I always figured that I would be in the criminal justice field by the time I graduated. I have interned and volunteered and hung out with a cop and I've done their little written and physical tests and passed them and where am I? Working in a freaking jewelry store. Why did I spend four years of my pathetic life slaving away for schoolwork when there are no rewards?? I am still working too hard for too little and still feel unsuccessful. My paycheck is a measly $144 after the union took their piece of the pie and medical took theirs.

Why is it that I cry while watching ER and Dexter? Ugh. I'm such a mess.

Feb. 6th, 2012

Luby Spam

Hey I'm catching up, all right? :)

Feb. 3rd, 2012

ER - Luka/Abby - This Year's Love

This Year’s Love – David Gray

“Before I open up my arms and fall
Losing all control
Every dream inside my soul
And when you kiss me
On that midnight street
Sweep me off my feet
Singing ain't this life so sweet”

Teardrop – Jose Gonzalez

“Love, love is a verb
Love is a doing word
Feathers on my breath
Gentle impulsion
Shakes me makes me lighter
Feathers on my breath”

Walk Away – Ben Harper

“And it hurts me
To look into the mirror at myself
And it hurts even more
To have to be with somebody else
And it's so hard to do
And so easy to say
But sometimes
Sometimes you just have to walk away
Walk away”

The Rip – Portishead

“As she walks in the room
Scented and tall
Hesitating once more
And as I take on myself
And the bitterness I felt
I realize that love flows”

Outside – Stain’d

“All this time that I felt like this won't end
Was for you
And I taste what I could never have
It's from you
All those times that I tried, my intention, full of pride
And I waste more time than anyone”

I Am the Highway – Audioslave

“Pearls and swine, bereft of me
Long and weary, my road has been
I was lost in the cities alone in the hills
No sorrow or pity for leaving I feel, yeah”

The Longer I Run – Peter Bradley Adams

“Well this road I'm on is gonna turn to sand.
And leave me lost in a far off land
So let me ride the wind 'til I don't look back
Forget the life that I almost had.”

Sleep – The Dandy Warhols

“Well I could sleep forever
but it's of her I dream
if I could sleep forever
I could forget about everything”

Bleed In, Breathe Out – Elliott

“And they see inside.
And they barely breathe.
And the sun will rise.
And they'll come to see.”

Slow Motion – David Gray

“While I was watching you did a slow dance
Did I imagine or do the walls have eyes
Did I imagine they held us hypnotized
Did I imagine or do the walls have eyes”

Sea of Love – Cat Power

“Do you remember when we met
That’s the day I knew you were my pet
I want to tell you
How much I love you”

Blood Bank – Bon Iver

“You said, ain't this just like the present
To be showing up like this?
As a moon waned to crescent
We started to kiss

And I said I know it well
That secret that we know that we don't know how to tell
I'm in love with your honor, I'm in love with your cheeks
What's that noise up the stairs, babe?
Is that Christmas morning creaks?”

Kissing You – Des’ree

“Pride can stand a thousand trials
The strong will never fall
But watching stars without you my soul cried
Heaving heart is full of pain
Oh, oh, the aching
Cause, I'm kissing you”

The Woman in You – Ben Harper

“Some things never change;
Some things never stay the same
But you’re so innocent,
I'll take all the blame
How I hate to remember
for that means the day is past
Sometimes I wonder if I know her
or if I really need to ask”

Moon – Sia

“I long to be a part
I isolate my heart
You've drawn me into your world
Now I too spin limbless”

Old Time Sake – Kathleen Edwards

“Of all the things that you could choose to say
‘Baby come home with me for old time sake’
‘Stand by my side and flash me that smile’
‘Everybody is out tonight’

So I called you up from god knows where
Would you lie in bed if I were there
Speak soft, just talk I will listen
Don't you dare leave till the morning
Like you always do”

Forever – Ben Harper

“Not talkin' 'bout a year
No not three or four
I don't want that kind of forever
In my life anymore
Forever always seems
to be around when it begins
but forever never seems
to be around when it ends
So give me your forever
Please your forever
Not a day less will do From you”

Fix You – Coldplay

“Tears stream down on your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down on your face
And I…

Tears stream down on your face
I promise you that I will learn from mistakes.
Tears stream down on your face
And I…”

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Jan. 23rd, 2012

Writer's Block: Happy New Year of the Dragon!

Born in the year of the Boar/Pig

People born in the Year of the Boar / Pig are chivalrous and gallant. Whatever they do, they do with all their strength. For Boars, there is no left or right and there is no retreat. They have tremendous fortitude and great honesty. They don't make many friends but they make them for life, and anyone having a Boar Year friend is fortunate for they are extremely loyal. They don't talk much but have a great thirst for knowledge. They study a great deal and are generally well informed. Boars are quick tempered, yet they hate arguments and quarreling. They are kind to their loved ones. No matter how bad problems seem to be, Boars try to work them out, honestly if sometimes impulsively. They are most compatible with Rabbits and Sheep.
What is your Chinese zodiac animal?

Jan. 17th, 2012

tear you apart

11 Questions – Tech N9ne

How can I be in the zone like this, gone like this?
How can I break the obsession?
In the middle of it all, when I snap back, step back
and ask myself; what, why do you ask so many questions?

Do I wanna stick em with another hit up out of abyss?
I'm at the pinnacle when I rip it I'ma kill em in this

Tear You Apart – She Wants Revenge

I want to hold you close
Soft breath, beating heart
As I whisper in your ear
I want to fucking tear you apart

Tea and Thorazine – Andrew Bird

Animate yourself an alternate reality
Consummate a self-pleasing artificiality
You can have yourself a tea

I can tell by the way you take your infusion
You've spent some time in a mental institution
Oh what a dream life would be if only...
They let you keep your etch-a-sketch

Lovestain – Jose Gonzalez

You left a lovestain on my heart
And you left a bloodstain on the ground
But blood comes off easily
But blood comes off easily

Moon – Little People


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Jan. 11th, 2012

Writer's Block: People’s Choice

Fred Armisen and Carrie Brownstein
Who is your favorite celebrity right now?

Dec. 24th, 2011

(no subject)

The fanfic and fanmix roundup meme.

Just 'cause.

Gypsy Souls. Fanmix. Dances With Wolves. John Dunbar/Stands with a Fist. PG-13. Very random.

Peas in a Pod
. Pirates of the Caribbean. Jack/Elizabeth. PG-13. Majorly AU. Fanmix.

Esurio. SVU. Elliot/Olivia. R. Graphic violence. Language.

Perplexity. SVU. Elliot/Olivia. R. Sex. Violence. Language.

Occidens. Original Fiction. PG. Violence. Character peril.

Depraved. Diagnosis Murder. Jesse. PG-13. Violence.

01. Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you'd predicted?

I've been operating with half a brain, pretty much, for about the same length of time I've been in college. Coincidence? I think not. Frankly, I'm surprised I am able to string two words together in a sentence or carry any form of thought. So, yes. Much more than I ever thought I would.

02. What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted in January?

I certainly never predicted to pick up eight-year-old fics and delve right into them with vigor. Jack/Elizabeth of the PotC brand shocked me the most, but only because it just came right out of nowhere. I guess I should clean out my boxes and filing cabinets more often. I was also surprised by my redo and reload of old Diagnosis Murder fics. I mean, for reals? That show was so mid-'90s!!

03. What's your own favorite story of the year? Not the most popular, but the one that makes you happiest?

Thus far, the one that has me most pleased and excited is Peas in a Pod. I never thought I'd see that one surface ever again. I love where it is going. It doesn't seem to be receiving a ton of attention, but whatevs. It's cool.

04. Did you take any writing risks this year? What did you learn from them?

I took a lot of risks with Esurio and Perplexity. I never write smut, and I worry that I am minimizing the seriousness of sexual assault and violence against women in one of them. However, I found that SVU fans have a pretty fanatic lust for gore, smut, and glorious hurt/comfort. Nice to know I am not alone!

05. Do you have any fanfic goals for the New Year?

Work more on every single one of them. Peas in a Pod is still very fresh in my mind, and I know where I am going with the next parts. I plan to work more on the original fic, some more on Depraved, and a crap-ton more of fanmixes. Because I am a music freak. Not so sure about how SVU fics will pan out. No Elliot? No interest. Sorry SVU peeps.

Dec. 22nd, 2011

gypsy soul

This may seem like it's coming from way out in left field, but I have always adored Dances with Wolves, and the relationship between the two! Raw, naked adoration and fascination with one another.

- track listing -

1. gotholympians - andrew bird

In the depths of my sadness there's a beautiful madness you see
It's right here on my sleeve
You must not believe
I can see you just don't believe

2. love vigilantes - iron & wine

Oh, I've just come from the land of the sun
From a war that must be won in the name of truth
With our soldiers so brave your freedom we will save
With our rifles and grenades and some help from God

3. an angry blade - iron & wine

Grace is a gift for the fallen, dear
You're an angry blade and you're brave
But you're all alone

4. deadweight on velveteen - josé gonzalez

It's retained emptiness 
It's not what it seems 
Uncover the mystery 
Tell everyone what you see 
It's not what it seems 
Vulgar when brought to light 

5. catcher song - great lake swimmers

I just want to break even.
I just want to pass on through,
Like a ghost through a household tune,
Under light of the early dusk hues.

6. caught a long wind - feist

I caught a long wind
A long life wind
Like a swallow
A night owl
A little chickadee
Sad sparrow

7. honey honey - feist

Honey honey up in the trees
Fields of flowers deep in his dreams
Lead them out to the sea by the east
Honey honey food for the bees

8. cinder and smoke - iron & wine

Give me your hand 
And take what you will tonight, I'll give it as fast 
And high as the flame will rise 
Cinder and smoke 
Some whispers around the trees 
The juniper bends 
As if you were listening

9. the sea and the rhythm - iron & wine

spread out like your breath
across my back
Your hands they move like waves over me
beneath the moon, tonight, we're the sea

10. willow weep for me - tin hat trio

Sad as I can be
Hear me willow and weep for me
Whisper to the wind and say that love has sinned
To leave my heart a sign

11. your rocky spine - great lake swimmers

With your soft fingers between my claws
Like purity against resolve
I can tell there we were formed from clay
And came from the rocks for the earth to display

12. anti-pioneer - feist

When the flag changes colors
The language knows
When the month changes numbers
It's time to go

13. the supine - andrew bird


Dec. 21st, 2011

merge, a vessel, a harbour

This is supposed to follow along with a fic I'm working on. I began the story way back in 2004, before any of the sequels. Jack and Elizabeth never make it off of the island, in fact are stranded there for 8 months. Will is saved by Norrington and is driven by an obsession to locate his lost love. Here is the fan!mix that inspired me to continue writing this fic!

You'll have to forgive the individual downloads instead of a zip file...for some odd reason, my computer would not let me download the software. I promise the mix is worth it!

Track listing:

Mouthful of Air - Catherine Wheel
(Jack and Elizabeth marooned)

"Deeper and deeper I go
Your heart's drowining, I know
All my intentions are clear
I need to rescue my dear"

Moon - Little People
(Tensions, fears are high)


Into Dust - Mazzy Star
(Jack and Elizabeth believe they are doomed to die)

"Still falling
Breathless and on again
Inside today
Beside me today
A round broken in two
'til your eyes shed into dust
Like two strangers turning into dust
'til my hand shook the way I fear"

Jezebel - Iron & Wine
(Elizabeth in Jack's eyes)

"Who's seen Jezebel?
She was born to be the woman we could blame
Make me a beast half as brave
I'd be the same"

Lovestain - Jose Gonzalez
(Jack is having an interesting impact on Elizabeth)

"You left a lovestain on my heart
And you left a bloodstain on the ground
But blood comes off easily"

Sweet Jane - Cowboy Junkies
(Two lonely hearts consider a meeting)

"Anyone who's ever had a dream
Anyone who's ever played a part
Anyone who's ever been lonely
And anyone who's ever split apart"

Merge, A Vessel, a Harbour - Great Lake Swimmers
(Love found)

"I'm speechless
Naked as a fiery sunset
You turn, but fleeting
Destroyed, but complete
A perfect cacophony
Rising like vapor
Solid and liquid
Awkward and trapping
Stolen but paid for"

Your Rocky Spine - Great Lake Swimmers
(An exploration of bodies)

"I was lost in the lakes
And the shapes that your body makes
That your body makes
That your body makes, that your body makes"

Wonderwall - Ryan Adams
(Set sail, Jack and Elizabeth found by a ship)

"Today is gonna be the day
That they're gonna throw it back to you
By now you should've somehow
Realized what you gotta do
I don't believe that anybody
Feels the way I do about you now"

Trouble - Coldplay
(Jack arrested, Elizabeth finds Will alive, caught between two men, two loyalties)

"Oh no, what's this?
A spider web, and I'm caught in the middle
Oh, I turned to run
The thought of all the stupid things I've done
And oh, and I never meant to do you wrong
And oh, well if I ever caused you trouble
Oh no, I never meant to do you harm"

Ghost of a Shark - Tom McRae
(Jack waits for the King's clemency, Elizabeth wants to get away from Port Royal)

"I'm gonna leave any minute
See the skyline disappear
Head out of the city
Burn my clothes, bury my fears
Oh, you will never know
I was here"

The Tide - Newsboys
(After receiving a Letter of Marque, Jack and Elizabeth sail away together)

"And I know the waves
Will come
By the moon and the tide
Like a man and his bride
I will wait
On you, Lord
And we will run so far from here
To your
Safety in the storm"

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